Divorce in the Bohra Community: Why I’m Genuinely Okay

The question at a friend’s wedding

She had been at my wedding, so she asked the natural thing: “How are you? How’s married life?”

I had to tell her that we’d separated. Her eyes filled with tears. Then she went quiet. She didn’t know what to say.

Honestly, I understood why.

I told this story in a short reel on our Instagram. Watch it here.

Why is divorce so hard to talk about in the Bohra community?

Because in our community, marriage is never just about two people. Your families are involved, everyone celebrates with you, and the whole Jamaat knows when you get married. But when a marriage ends, nobody really teaches you what to do with that.

You still see the same people at the masjid, at weddings and at community events. People who remember you as a couple. People who might not even ask what happened, but you can feel that they want to.

I think that’s one of the hardest things about divorce in a close-knit community. It isn’t only about losing a marriage. It’s about figuring out how to exist in a space where everyone knows your story, or thinks they do.

What should you say to someone who is divorced?

Something simple and kind, and then let them lead. “It’s so good to see you.” “How are you, really?” The hardest thing to hear is usually nothing at all.

Sometimes we become so afraid of saying the wrong thing that we say nothing. But that silence can make someone feel like their life has become uncomfortable for everyone else. A few things that help:

• Ask how they are, not what happened. If they want to tell you, they will.

• Don’t assume it’s a tragedy. Let them tell you how they feel about it.

• Keep inviting them. To the majlis, the wedding, the family dinner. Being left out says more than any question.

Is divorce the end of the story?

No. Leaving a marriage that isn’t right for you can be the beginning of something better. It doesn’t mean you failed at love, and it certainly doesn’t mean you’ve run out of chances to find it.

For a long time, I think we’ve treated divorce as automatically a tragedy. As if someone’s life didn’t go to plan. As if there’s something to be embarrassed about, or something that needs explaining.

So I told that aunty: “Please don’t cry for me. I’m happy. I’m safe. I’m okay.”

Later, my brother looked at me in a way I’ll never forget. I think he was surprised by how okay I was. Honestly, I was a little surprised too.

Why a divorced co-founder still believes in marriage

That’s part of why, for the last three years, we’ve been building Bohri Cupid. I still believe in love. I believe in marriage. And I believe our community deserves more spaces where people can meet each other without all the pressure and expectations.

Whether you’re single, divorced or starting over, your story shouldn’t make you feel like you’ve missed your chance. On Bohri Cupid you control who sees your photos and profile, and every member is verified before they can message anyone. If you’re ready to look again, our guide to remarriage in the Bohra community is a gentle place to start.

To the aunty, if you’re reading this

I’m genuinely okay. I didn’t lose my chance at happiness. I made a decision to choose it. And I think the best part of my story is still ahead of me.

My brother’s too. Although he really has no excuse.

Sakina co-founded Bohri Cupid with her brother Abbas. Read how it began in our story.